I feel like abortions should bother me more
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
