the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
