he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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