nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
