I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
