So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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