My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
