Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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