well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
