Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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