2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I could make wine with my vomit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
