if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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