WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
