he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
