Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
