had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
