i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
