Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
