whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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