I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
