i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
