I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
