I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
whose parrot is this?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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