I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
