i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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