I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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