I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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