She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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