It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
