I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
