I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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