so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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