She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
