you will always have a special place in my vag
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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