In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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