dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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