I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
