I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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