Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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