And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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