she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am spending my child support on dildos
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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