i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
