i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The air was thick with penises
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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