It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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