when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
