i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Text me some of your sweat
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
