And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
