put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
