Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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