I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
