She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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