I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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