We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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