so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
