My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
