How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
