my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
