I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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