i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
