felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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