I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
