there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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