Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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