just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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