After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
