i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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