do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
