Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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