didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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