Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
