when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
