yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
