Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
