Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
